Losing Myself in the Loss of Love...

If breakups have taught me anything, it's that at the end of the day the only person that I can truly count on to provide happiness and a fulfilled and wonderful life is myself. And yet, even though I KNOW this and I BELIEVE this to my core and I've LIVED IT through experience...I still find myself repeatedly falling into the same self dug hole when a relationship of mine falls flat on its face. The first month of 2017 was going great for me. I was down 13 pounds, eating well, working out every day, had a budget in place and was finally getting ahead of my debt! It was all coming together. Then February 1st happened, and the accumulation of some hard to believe and impossible to live with facts came to light about my current boyfriend and I literally watched as everything crumbled down. I slept in all day. I skipped my kick boxing class. I ordered a pizza for dinner...and then proceeded to eat that, along with half my pantry the next day, while cuddled up in bed watching Desperate Housewives. What a life...

And as I picked up my laptop to type this post, I realized I was very quickly plummeting into the deep hole that once lead to depression, serious weight gain, financial troubles, and a diminished social life. The difference this time is that I refuse to allow myself to keep falling. It's easy to allow ourselves to fumble and fall into old habits that we have worked so hard to break. But the measure of a strong woman is not the ease in which she achieves her goals...but the determination and the discipline she has to keep the course even when she encounters a roadblock. I had 6 pieces of pizza left over this morning. I ate 3. And I sat here in my bed for a good two hours thinking "f**k it, I might as well eat the other three" but instead I got up and threw the pizza box in the trash can. Even though those three pieces of pizza make me feel like I really messed up...I have to take perspective on the situation and recognize that the old me would have laid in this bed and eaten the other three pieces. I didn't go to kick boxing like I had planned the last two days, which makes me feel like I'm falling off the wagon and wont get back into the gym. But then I tell myself that it's okay! Sometimes you just aren't mentally ready to forge ahead with the plan you had written down in your planner...and that is okay!! So instead, I am going to sit here and cuddle with my dog a little longer. I'm going to drink a few glasses of water and let the junk in my tummy settle...and then I'm going to put on my Nikes and head to the gym for a little sweat session.

At the end of the day none of us are perfect. Life will always throw more our way than we sometimes think we can handle. Even worse, sometimes life will throw things at us until we feel like we are suffocating and then we will self sabotage ourselves on top of everything else. But through struggles we find faith, through bad habits we find our strength, and through lost love we find ourselves....a version of ourselves that we never even knew existed.

#Trends